I can hear!

I dropped myself in my LazyBoy recliner one night after a long day of tumultuous emotional roller-coasting with the full intention of just mindlessly scrolling through Instagram videos to take my mind off of things bugging me when I happened to come across a video of a twenty-something sitting and telling his friends about an experience he’s had. He explained that he realized in his prayer life he would always approach God by just asking for a bunch of things. He would usually start his prayer with a little bit of thanksgiving, but then he would start his grocery list of things he needed God to do. Well, that made him feel very selfish, and he decided just to sit and listen to God the next time he was going to pray, and that is precisely what he did. He said he sat, listened…and then heard God speak to him.

My initial response was absolute unadulterated jealousy. How could this kid hear God’s voice and understand it so clearly when I have had such an incredibly difficult time trying to discern God’s voice in my own life for the past three months, and what feels like I only get static? I was utterly perplexed!

With a new outlook on this dilemma, I marched to my next prayer meeting with God on a mission. I was going to sit still and listen. I would not get up from my spot until I heard God. So the following day, I made coffee, sat down in my LazyBoy chair, read my Bible, and then closed my eyes to spend time with Jesus. Not to ask for anything but just to hear Him speak to me. I remember a pastor once said, you need to be still. So I sat in silence.

Well, let me rather say that I tried to sit in silence. You see, I expected that everything would be silent; even my thoughts would shut up for just a minute so that I could hear God speak. But that didn’t happen. My mind kept on spinning, and I listened to my own voice in my mind. Now, mind you, I wasn’t thinking of all the things I still needed to do that day, but I was trying to focus my thoughts on Jesus and inviting the Holy Spirit to come and minister to me at that moment. So I kept repeating the name of Jesus repeatedly in my mind (not out loud, because the purpose of the exercise was to be still). I sat for two hours.

I heard nothing. Not a peep. Not a whisper. Nothing.

Feeling very dejected, I got up from my chair and went on with the rest of my day. But the cloud of uncertainty kept looming over my head. I called my mom in the afternoon and asked her about her experience with hearing God speak. I wanted to share my experience and just have someone give me their thoughts on what I experienced. I needed to talk it out. That conversation concluded that we can’t “force” God to talk to us, but my mom also asked me, how did you hear God’s voice in the past?

This forced me to consider my previous encounters with God, and I could think of three ways that God has spoken to me. One: He would answer a question I had through somebody else. I would either get a text message or a call, listen to a sermon, or hear a song that speaks directly to that specific circumstance. Two: I would read scripture, and in His word, I would get an answer for what I have been praying about, and three: I would have a physical response in my body when I am speaking to a person or listening to something that would confirm what I am hearing is true. Now, it’s nothing crazy, like my left arm twitching or something weird. I would just get the goosebumps feeling all over my body but without the goosebumps. I don’t know how to explain it accurately, but that’s the closest I can get to it.

When my daughter got home from school that afternoon, I still wasn’t finished pondering my dilemma and wanted her perspective. So I sat her down, described my experience, and asked her opinion. I also told her that I have heard different pastors say in the past that when you hear God’s voice, it would sound like your own voice in your head, but I wasn’t sure about that. And she had a fascinating thought! In Exodus 33:22, we read: “When my glory passes by, I will put you in a cleft in the rock and cover you with my hand until I have passed by” (NIV, 2011). She said, “Mama, what if God’s voice is so powerful that he uses your own voice as the rock to put His message in, just like He did with Moses?” We sat and talked a little more about the subject while I pondered her profound thoughts.

Then, I got a little technical. It was an experiment of sorts. I asked her how that thought came to her mind when she thought of Moses in the rock and God passing by. Meaning, what did it sound like in her mind? Did it come in sounding like her own voice? She explained that it just popped in there. I was being pushy and really needed her to think about this, so I asked again what it sounded like when she had the thought. She then said it didn’t sound like her own voice, but she couldn’t say it sounded like anybody else’s “voice” either.

Suddenly, without a preamble, a thought popped into my head. “My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me” (John 10:27, KJV).

In a split second, another thought popped into my head again; this one said in my own voice, “Does that mean you are not a “sheep” or follower of Christ if you can’t even hear His voice?”

A third thing also happened; I had a memory pop into my mind as well. It was from a year or two ago. I was lying on the couch one night, weeping and praying. My prayer was, “Jesus, are You still there?” The answer came immediately, “I will never leave you, nor forsake you” (Deuteronomy 31:6, ESV).

I can HEAR!!! I realized! I suddenly understood it perfectly. God answered me through His Word. His Word is His voice! God reminded me of a time when I desperately needed His affirmation that He was still with me and gave it to me through His Word. I knew that night beyond a shadow of a doubt that God the Father tenderly reached out to me to comfort me in my moment of need. He also reminded me that that was how He communicated with me in the past, where I didn’t doubt it for a second, and He confirmed for me that is how I would hear Him always. It is up to me to make sure I know all the nuances of His voice by studying His Word and getting to know Him better. The more time I spend in His Word, the better I can hear Him speak.

I do want to backtrack to the second thought that came to mind. The one that sounded like a questioning accusation, “Does that mean you are not a “sheep” or follower of Christ if you can’t even hear His voice?”. That one was not from God; that one came from the enemy that, for a split second, tried to get a foothold in my mind to keep me feeling dejected and sowing seeds of doubt about who I am in Christ.

Thankfully, my heavenly Father, in His all-sufficient grace and mercy, is not intimidated by such tactics, and He will let His children know that He is there for them, loves them, will never leave them, never forsake them, and they can HEAR His voice.